The Everyday Girl Guide to: Relationship (Priorities, Pt 2)

April 14, 2012

Previous posts in this series:

In my last post, I talked about how my priorities in relationships got all out of whack in my intense desire to have kids.

I have four kids.  They are still the sunshine in my life.  Right now, though, I don’t get to be their mom.

I never did anything terrible.  I had some anger issues for about a year.  I did a self-help counseling book and learned to direct my anger appropriately.  I was sometimes a little too persnickity about my angels being perfect.

But I was a good mom.

Until the day my husband told me to get out of our house.

Now, on his side of the ledger, I was having an emotional affair online.  I flat-out told him I was no longer interested in saving our marriage.

On my side, he hadn’t been involved in our marriage for at least eight years.  Date nights that I planned were fine, but as soon as we got back to the house, he checked out.  We spent evenings sitting side-by-side without talking.  If I called him at work (and I tried very hard to not call often), I was a nuisance.

On his side, I made vows.

On my side, he’d already broken our vows and I had chosen to forgive him.

Equally shared fault, really, in the demise of our marriage.  I should’ve just filed for divorced, but I had this crazy idea that my kids needed both parents together more than I needed out of my marriage.  I was trying to stick it out, even as I learned to dislike the man I’d married.

When he told me to get out of the house, though, he reinforced it with a threat.  He wasn’t even living at home during the week, as his job required him to live 3 1/2 hours north.  He had already been engaged in low-key emotional abuse for about five months.

I started packing for me and the kids.

Then he dropped the bombshell.  If I took the kids, first he threatened me with kidnapping charges.  I was scared (and naive), but still kept packing.

Then he told me he wouldn’t support me if I took the kids.

That one stopped me in my tracks.  All I wanted was for my kids to be happy.  They were my priority, after all.  There was no way an unemployed woman who hadn’t held a full-time job in nine years could support four kids right out of the gate.

I was stupid.

I agreed to leave without the kids, but made him sign a note that said that I was only going to set up a home for my kids and intended to come back for them.  Then, in the worst decision of my life, I left.

And my relationships got even more skewed.

See my next post for the conclusion to relationship priorities.

%d bloggers like this: