The Everyday Girl Guide to: Independence Day

July 5, 2013

I ride the train pretty regularly in my commute to and from work.  On Wednesday, I was on my commute home and the train… stopped.  Just one stop before home and we were told it might be a while before it moved again.

I dithered about it for a while, but I finally got my bike off the train rack, pulled up energy I didn’t really have, and started biking for home: 11 miles.  I’m a good runner, but only a decent biker, so 11 miles largely along CA-118 was a daunting thought…. and a long ride.

It didn’t take long before I was offering up prayers for my safety, songs of thanksgiving when big 18-wheelers were kind enough to not make me roadkill (and draft me for 4.2 terrifying seconds to boot), and promises of eternal gratitude if I just made it home safely.

Then I started getting convicted.  That’s cheating, God.  I’m just saying.

You see, I’m having a forgiveness issue lately.  I used to never have a forgiveness issue.  I got mad, sure, but once it was over, it was over.  Not so much lately.  I have some legitimate bones to pick and I don’t feel like burying them and moving on.

But God wants me to move on for my own good.

Did I mention that’s cheating, God?

So, about halfway along the 118, I start getting angry about the stuff I haven’t forgiven.  Maybe I wouldn’t even be biking if those things hadn’t happened.  (Yeah, I probably still would.)  Maybe my life would be better.  Maybe…

Maybe you should get around to forgiving sometime soon and moving on.

Uh.  I don’t want to forgive.  I mean, yeah, I don’t like the fact that there are times I can get myself in an absolute dither just because I remember I’m supposed to be mad about this stuff, but… I was wronged!  If that person cared about me at all, they would apologize.  They wouldn’t have hurt me like that in the first place.

If you cared about them at all, you’d forgive them and understand that they may be dealing with things you can’t see.

Okay, maybe they are dealing with something.  I get that.  But do I have to be the scapegoat?  When I was going through stuff…

… you made a lot of mistakes and messed up quite a few people’s lives.  That was a lot to forgive.

I made a few mistakes.  Okay, yes, and there was a lot of forgiving.  But you’re God.  You’re supposed to forgive me because You love me!

You’re my child.  You’re supposed to forgive those who wrong you because you love Me.

Okay, seriously, God… that’s cheating.  But… I get it.

So, before I got home (in great time, I might add!), I made a commitment to forgive.  But it’s not over.  Oh, no.

Independence Day was July 4, 1776.  But that wasn’t when our country truly became free from England.  We just signed a piece of paper and fired a few shots.  True independence took years of pitched battles, sacrifice, and commitment.

Forgiveness and independence from my own bitterness is probably going to take the same.  But you have to start somewhere, right?

It’s a good day to have my own Independence Day.

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