Happy vs Unhappy: Who I Was vs Who I Am

March 6, 2014

I don’t like some of the people I’ve been.  I’ve been selfish, stupid, angry, hasty, naïve, overly-sensitive, callous, and irresponsible.  But I’m not those people anymore, so I don’t know why I keep dragging them out when I want to beat myself over the head.

One of  my favorite parts of my faith is that I believe a person can change if they truly want to change. I also believe in giving others second (and third, and fourth…) chances.  So why don’t I give the same to myself?

Even though I don’t have the best memory in the world, I can remember every mistake and misstep that I’ve made.  Because I’m constantly looking back at these mistake and missteps, I keep making them.  It’s hard to walk a straight line forward when you’re looking back.

So, today I vow to start looking at who I am, not who I’ve been.  I am a strong, amazing woman who has persevered through quite a bit to get to where I am.  I have some pretty amazing friends who seem to think I’m amazing in turn… and who am I to tell them they’re wrong?  I am more than who I am and more than who I’ve been… and I can wait to see who I’m going to be, because I’m going to enjoy this person I am.

The next time I try to dredge up my past and rehash woulda-coulda-shoulda until I’m in tears, I’m going to focus on will-can-did.  I can do something right today.  I will do it well.  I DID do it well.

If I keep it up long enough, then it’s bound to be true.

Always remember, your focus determines your reality. – Qui-Gon to Anakin in Star Wars Episode 1.

It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice. – Will Smith, After Earth.

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